Men are victims of Domestic violence too

:: Nazmin Chowdhury ::

Women are more often the victims of domestic violence and abuse however, domestic violence, abuse affects men, too.  Home office figures over the last five years show a steady increase in male victims of domestic violence and abuse.  It suggests that nearly 40% of victims of domestic violence are men. Any form of domestic violence should not be tolerated and female on male violence should be taken very seriously as well. Some may argue that there is a huge difference between the damage a man cause when hitting a woman than the other way around. If a man attacks a woman there is little she can do to defend herself, aside from using a weapon, because as we all know men tend to be generally more physically stronger, bigger etc. On the other hand, if a woman is assaulting a man, it is a general assumption that he can, and by right should defend himself by either walking away or restrains her. Most women do not feel they have this choice to restraining capacity’ thus, ultimately this puts women at much greater danger from men than vice versa and for this reason male violence towards female is given much more importance.I realise that a man can do a greater damage with one strike than a woman.  And although the data suggest reports of domestic abuse inflicted by women have increased,   there are however, still more women who are victims of domestic violence. Despite this, since when has it been okay to hit anyone? Statistics do not mean anything when you are being attacked, but also let us not forget emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical. It is quite astonishing to comprehend how we can treat our partners and loved ones in a way that we would never treat anyone else.
Women who abuse their partners need to be also punished and made to account for their actions Just like men who abuse their women, to the same degree that a man would be. It must be difficult, for men who are victims of domestic abuse in this culture and society which concentrated more towards female domestic abuse, to feel heard and understood. Many people and this includes women can be extremely vicious and cruel. Women burned their bras for equality and the right to vote. Women campaigned and struggled for many years to combat abuse they endured at the hands of their men but I do not recall women campaigning for equal rights to abuse their partners. There appears to be a bias against men in the system and the assumption is always that the man is the violent partner or the abuser. For instance, a woman hits a man with a heavy object, he is injured and the police are called. He has committed no offence, but the police arrest him anyway. Why? Because the woman “fears” he may retaliate. So even though he has committed no offence, he is still judged guilty. What is particularly bad is that the police have ‘sanction detection’ targets to meet where there are reports of domestic violence – if a domestic abuse report is lodged after a couple rowing, police are under pressure to turn one member of the couple into a criminal by issuing a caution and you this is most likely to be the man that is arrested and subjected to all sorts of pressures to take a caution, which may have significant effects on his employment.  Male victims of domestic abuse statistics are derived from those that have been reported but the actual figures may be higher.  So what makes men reluctant to report such abuse? And like many women have done for years why do they tolerate such cruel treatment from their partners? Some men I have spoken to generally have commented on the fear of losing their rights to their children in a divorce. That is what men fear losing most when a relationship ends, and often the violent women who caused the destruction of the relationship get the kids, the house, the car and support from the man, not to mention support from the judiciary to carry out the wholesale theft of the man’s life; at his expense. Men do suffer from domestic violence but it is women who have the services provided to them to survive and carry on after the domestic violence ends. Men are not as lucky, and more often than not, are either looked upon as weak for being victimized, or worse, as the instigator.  According to a lot of men, there is a perversion of gender ‘equality’ in this country which translates into anti-male discrimination.  Interestingly it is something that women have experienced since records began and still continue to in some respect, and women have experienced this in broader fields and not only in the domestic setting. Contrary to what the statistic show it still means women are still more like to be the victims of domestic violence.  It still means 6 out of 10 domestic violence victims are women.  Numbers of women murdered by their partner or former partner are significantly higher than men as victims. A survey in the states in 2005 found that 1181 women were killed as a result of domestic violence compared to 329 males.Domestic abuse needs to be tackled as early as possible, possibly at primary school level, where children need to be taught about relationships, in terms of partners respecting one another.
Whether you are woman or a man and if you are a victim of genuine violence and abuse from your partner it should not be tolerated and should seek to remove yourself from the relationship.  As the figures suggests such physical and mental abuse can lead to dire consequences, like murder.