‘The Affair’

:: Nazmin Chowdhury ::
“The affair” in today’s society is unfortunately something most of us will have to face in a lifetime.  It is a matter of ‘when’ and not ‘if’ the spouse or partner has an affair.  With the recent revelations of celebrity and high profile affairs all  committed by husbands or the male partner, the traditional norm or the man likely to stray is still  the first and foremost possibility today in the act of infidelity. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Fred Goodwin, Ryan Giggs, Chris Huhne all rise to the male natures need to sexual desires outside of their relationships.
It confirms that it is in the male nature to spread their genes as soon as the have cared and provided for their women and children – their family.  The strong social norms and morals towards commitment restrain many men spreading their genes but the rich, famous and powerful appear to be unyielding to these social pressures like those celebrities mentioned ealier.
‘The affair’ is usually harder to forgive in a long term marriage.  The pain is usually much deeper too.  Whoever and whatever the choice of woman he has the affair with it is always the wife/partner who tends to feel the self humiliation and a knock to her self confidence. For instance, a husband to prefer a younger, prettier model depicts him a shallow fiend, and you as the one who is wronged but it still affects your self confidence, making you self conscious about your physical image, aware of your ageing self. If his preference is someone as old and similar as you, or even older and plainer than you takes his fancy then it is total a humiliation.  Not only are your personality and character being discarded but, also along with it your physical appearance.  
Everyone marries for different reasons, some marry for love therefore, in the discovery of an affair it can break and scar them.  Those who marry for practical reason of companionship usually have a partner who loves whilst the other is content in being loved.  This makes an affair more likely to occur due to the human desire for romance and passion.  Even in these unions an affair will still hurt.  The knowledge of a habitual intimacy your partner is engaging with stranger is intolerable. And if the affair is with someone you know, the sense of betrayal is even worse. Even in ‘open’ marriages and relationships, where couples laid back about their partner having one night stands, as long as they are informed, can cause hurt and pain. This is usually because of the fact that sex can turn in to love and complicate matters.
‘The affair’ or a quick ‘fling’ does not usually stay a secret for too long in today’s world of social networking, easy communication and tracking facilities.